I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Drake has all the answers
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
