There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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