It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
