oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
