I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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