we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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