yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
