Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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