Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
