The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
