It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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