Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
