Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
