the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
