The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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