o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
