people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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