I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How's work?
Spinning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
