The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
