accomplished twins. life is a go
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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