my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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