I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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