Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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