She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am available for nakedness
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
