Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
