how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
