i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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