Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
