My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
