Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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