i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
