Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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