I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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