Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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