Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
wow bdsm is so cute
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
