Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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