Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
