my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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