How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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