I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
