my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
