He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
