Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
