I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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