You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
