I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
