Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
