Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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