Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
