I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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