Banned from zoo.
Again?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
