I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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