Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
