I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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