She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
